I was Selfish for Giving My Opinions

Although I was always the quiet one, I have always got myself a (quite) large circle of friends. Not more than ten, but I consider a circle of eight is already big enough.

We all tell each other stories, may it be personal or just casual ones. Considering that I would be their friends for a long time, I realized that I needed to learn how to listen to their stories. I always wanted to comfort everyone with the ways that I know how. I read articles, Instagram posts or blogs regarding listening and providing the matured opinions. I always wanted to be able to give matured, objective and sophisticated opinions. I always considered myself to be mature and astute whenever I succeed doing one.

I hid behind the excuse “I just want to provide you another point of view” meanwhile I was just feeding my ego.

So it went on. Whenever one of my friends confided in, I was always the one to give my ‘matured’ and objective opinions. Often did I deliberately give opinion that was the opposite of my friend’s will, just to make sure that she had examined both point of views.

I was feeding my ego by those ‘making sure’ acts meanwhile I did not realize that I might have missed the whole point.

I never asked her or them whether they wanted to listen to my opinions or not. I never asked her or them whether they wanted to be just listened or they also needed my personal point of view.

I just splashed them my quasi matured and objective opinions meanwhile in reality, I was just feeding my ego.

I always made sure that they had seen both point of views without making sure whether they wanted to do so or not.

And that was selfish.

I realized it a while ago, but I just had the courage to admit it now. I did not even have the courage to apologize to them, because I thought that it happened years ago, probably they have forgotten about it.

But no. I could be wrong. My thoughts could be wrong. Maybe they were still thinking about it every once in awhile, but still, knowing that fact I couldn’t bring myself up to them to apologize.

So here I am, apologizing in general without having the courage to even mention the people I meant about. Maybe not today.

I am sorry.

a literature student who probably hasn’t read your books-every-literature-student-has-read list.