having a battle in my head

has never felt so burdensome.

not knowing who my foe is,

not knowing when this will end,

not having even a slightest tip

how to finish all this suffering.

losing so much on the way,

sacrificing those

who are supposed to stay.

letting those stay

who are supposed to leave.

i am left clueless,

only to find out that

i am not just having it

i am also the one

who is inventing it.